I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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