Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
