She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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