There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
