She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
