Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
