38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
