I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
