I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
