I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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