i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
