My nipple is on Facebook.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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