The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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