I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize