I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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