I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
