There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
