dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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