i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
