Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
