Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
