forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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