Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
