Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
