Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
