Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
