I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
