I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All the doctor said was why
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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