you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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