just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
