i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Found the puke drawer
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
