If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
