sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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