You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
