like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
