it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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