Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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