My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
