you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
no, he came in my armpit
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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