Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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