Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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