remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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