Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
