This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
