jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
