Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
