return my video game
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
