yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
