i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
