I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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